The Perfect Date if you Aren’t Interested in Talking

So I saw Oliver again (the guy who was adopting a dog, and who I’ve been emailing back and forth with).

He took my kayaking this past weekend. It was awesome! I love kayaking!

I’m not sure how I feel about Oliver though. He has an awesome personality but he’s smaller than the typical guys I go for. He’s muscular, but I feel like we weigh the same if he was soaking wet and had rocks in his pockets.

He also has weird hair. I feel like maybe he cuts it himself with the kitchen scissors.

With no mirror.

While drunk.

There are a lot of chunks that are longer than others. I can’t make sense of it. And his sense of style is really lacking.

As in, he has none.

He dresses like a rugby coach (which he is, but you don’t have to dress like one all the time!)

I told him once that the first things I notice about guys are their teeth and their shoes. Oliver doesn’t have great teeth. Apparently the front 4 are fake from a sports injury. And his shoes are either running shoes (not the hot kind) or really ugly. He sent me a picture of him dressed up and he was wearing a blue suit, black thick socks with brown and green “I don’t even want to call them dress shoes”¬†shoes.

Call me superficial, because I am.


I’m pretty sure these were the shoes he sent me. Except they were like a light greeny/brown. I think my grandmother has the same ones. And with black socks and a blue suit? Come on Oliver! Is it bad that it was an instant turn off for me? I mean you are small, I might be able to deal with that if you had a good sense of style or had swagger. But these guy is 0-3 in those categories.

But he’s nice and I had nothing to do on a Sunday, so I agreed to go out with him again. He brought two of his kayaks and we went to some lake about 30 minutes away that I didn’t know existed.

It was beautiful. It was relaxing and exactly what I needed after a week of drinking. I didn’t feel like talking, and kayaking was the PERFECT activity to do on a date when you don’t feel like talking. I just pretended I was super into nature and enjoying the scenery. I mean I was, but when he was around I played it up a lot more so he would leave me alone. Oliver was good about it, he let me go off and do my own thing, just enjoying the weather and the water. We would connect intermittently and chit chat, but it was kind of nice to not have to sit across from a stranger while eating a meal. It was nice to be outside and away from booze, awkward pauses and avoided eye contact.

At one point he saddled up next to me, locking our kayaks side-by-side by holding onto the brim of my kayak. I had a mini internal panic:

He’s going to try to kiss me. He’s thinking this is super romantic and he’s going to try to kiss me right here in the middle of the lake. Ugh. Do I let him?

And then I thought…

I’m so clumsy that I will likely flip the kayak and it’s cold. Also…I don’t really want to kiss him!

I immediately started pointing out random things in the bushes along the shore closest to the other side of my kayak. He got the hint and eventually gave me a bit more space.

The date ended nicely enough. We got the kayaks back in the truck and grabbed a bite to eat at a local pub. He kissed me after dinner after walking me to my car. I laughed. I couldn’t help it! I didn’t feel anything when he kissed me. And he wasn’t the best at it. He had a skinny lizard tongue and we hit teeth a couple times. He also has a really thick 5:00 shadow. Kissing him gave me immediate rug burn. He’s such a great guy though and he’s easy to talk to, and he’s actually smart, something that has been surprisingly difficult to find so far.

I agreed to see him again.

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