Blue Hairs in Exchange for Tinder

So I flew down to Florida to surprise my Father for his 65th birthday. Him and my Mum have been away for over a month now. Having the house to myself has been a wonderfully destructive sigh of vodka-induced-late-nights-doing-whatever-the-fuck-I-want relief.
I realized a few weeks ago that no one is going to be there for my Dad’s birthday except my Mum. My sister lives out west and my brother couldn’t make it. I decided to fly down for 4 days and surprise him.
I have to say, that trip was much needed. I think I’ve been on a bit more of a destructive path than I realized. I still don’t have a part-time job anymore, so I’ve had a lot more free time that I am used to. I’ve been drinking every night, not really eating or sleeping and Tindering non stop with boys I don’t give a fuck about.
Florida was a lot of fun. My parent’s are staying in this super retired community, I actually think they are the youngest couple by as easy 10 years (and they are 65). Everyone kept calling them “Kids”. So weird.  I was a complete anomaly, and no one wanted to be by the pool while I was bathing in my skimpy bikinis, especially the older ladies. 2 days in a row I had the entire pool area to myself all afternoon.
One night I dragged my parents out to a Karaoke bar, and got up to the mic and got the entire bar to sing “Happy Birthday” to my Dad, and then followed with Papa Don’t Preach by Madonna to really freak him out (He knows all about “The Tinder” as he calls it and the number of men I’ve been dating, so why not make him think I’m pregnant with a rando’s baby? Happy 65th!….Im a dick).
I read Wild and Unbroken on my trip, two books that were recommended to me by my friends, and two really good books that I think helped put things into perspective for me. I laid out in the sun everyday for as long as I could, determined to come home with tanlines. Whoopsies. I forgot how much stronger the sun is down south. I got FRIED. I look like I’m wearing a white bikini and I’ve been home for almost a week. I’ve never had a burn for this long. I’m fully expecting to shed my entire skin like a snake in a week. Just one big, Jo shaped skin coat.
Working on my burn
I also welcomed the trip because it gave me some separation from Tyson. That dude is a stage 5-er and it’s completely my fault. I (but really, Trish Yearwood) encouraged it by slow dancing to How Do I Live the last time we hung out.

So as soon as I got back, I really wanted my fucking FitBit back. I reluctantly messaged Tyson and asked if he wanted to grab a beer so I could get my stuff back.

I went to his house and he was totally dressed up in date mode, and had a bouquet of flowers and a bag of my favorite candy waiting for me. What a dick. For a moment I admired his attractiveness and thought “…Mmmmm maybe?” He convinced me to go to the Keg with him because he has a coupon from his mom. Before you judge me, it’s free steak. Free steak is the best steak, alright? And the dude bought me flowers. I had a moment of feeling like a complete asshole for only agreeing to this date so I could get back a few of the things I left at his place.

So we had dinner, I told him all about me singing for my Dad on his birthday (I actually ended up getting pulled up a number of times that night and also sang Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing and Carrie Underwood’s Undo It as well). As we are nearing the end of dinner and nearing the bottom of our bottle of wine, he leaned over and kissed me, and I kissed him back. He is a good kisser. I’ll give him that. And drunk me wanted to kiss him. It was actually a really nice date. And I got my FitBit and bra back. Yah!
I called Tyson the next day and apologized for kissing him. That I still stand by what I told him before my trip that I wasn’t interested in jumping into anything with him. He told me that I am giving him crazy mixed signals (I totally am. But if he didn’t have my FitBit, I wouldn’t have called him :S) and that I shouldn’t have kissed him back. He said he’s fine if we just wanted to be friendly, but that I can’t have it both ways. He was totally right. So we decided to not see each other anymore. I’m perfectly happy and very relieved by this decision. I felt terrible leading on a good guy like that. But I feel like I would emotionally crush him. I am not in a healthy enough place to seriously date anyone right now. Or even get to know anyone right now. I’m a major flight risk and completely self involved.

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