Holy Tinder Batman!

I’ve been Tindering (I’m not sure it’s a word, but I need a verb) in my spare time like mad. This site is insane. It’s essentially “Hot or Not” and you decide if you want to talk to a person purely based on looks. There are a lot of “Not”s though, but the odd “Hot” comes around and I get very excited.

Observations I’ve made so far about Tinder Boys:

  • They love going to the gym
  • They especially love going to the gym shirtless and taking selfies in the mirrors in front of the bench press while flexing every muscle in their body
  • None of them write anything in their profile descriptions
  • The baby is never theirs and the girl they are hugging is their sister
  • If the first picture is not of them, but of their car, dog, or house…they are ugly

For the last week or so I have been talking to a number of guys, and have been narrowing it down significantly. It is so confusing to keep track of all these boys and their storylines though!  I am seriously debating making a spreadsheet. I’m thinking something like this:

Name Occupation Family Hobbies
Oliver Welder 2 sisters, parents divorced Running, rock climbing
Charlie Electrician 1 brother, parents together Blue Jays, plays baseball and hockey
Richard Real Estate Agent 2 brothers, 1 sister, parents divorced and live out west Marathons, vegetarian, health buff

I’ve already made my first blunder. I have always had a naming convention in my phone, first name, and then the last name is how I know you.  For example, all the girls at my restaurant job are Christine Milestones, Steph Milestones, Laura Milestones.

I’m talking to two guys named Ian. One is from Stouffville and the other is from Smithville. I saved them in my phone as “Ian Tinder Stouffville” and “Ian Tinder Smithville”.  Fuck that was dumb. I am getting them both so mixed up with each other I decided to drop one and keep the other. I made this decision purely based on geographical location. One lived more than an hour away. Dropped. I have decided to not talk to multiple boys with the same name. Too confusing. If you name is the same as someone I am already talking to, you get right swiped. Sorry not sorry. Tinder is cut-throat. I feel like Uma Thurman.

I’m also really bad at remembering anything about anyone in general. I think I’ve asked the same guy 3 times what he does for a living. *facepalm*.

Tinder is the ultimate multitask test. I feel like if I master this, it should be put on my resume. “I successfully maintained six online conversations at one time without confusion.”

So since I’ve been Tindering like a mad woman in my spare time, and it really hasn’t been that long, I’ve found myself at the same level with all these guys. I started talking to them all at the same time, so now it’s time to move it to the next level of actually meeting them….and it’s happening all at once. They all want to meet me now. Somehow, I’ve aligned my week to have a first date every single night. Whhhhaaaat.

6 first dates in 7 days. I’m definitely going to need a spreadsheet.

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